LIGHTINING BEAT-MAN
If all you thought of Switzerland was cheese with holes in it and shitty instant
cocoa meet Rock-n-Roll entertainer and apartment wrestling enthusiast
One thing you gotta understand is that Beat-Man speaks in very broken english...and he's insane!
Me: Hey Beat-Man! I heard you broke your back! How did that happen?
Lightining Beatman: It was during the last Euopean tour, sometimes it went pretty wild. I had in Valencia (Spain) a fight with the whole fucking club. The whole club was upon me, I almost died...but I had to go back on stage so I had to beat them all with my supernatural Lightining Power. I did it and we sung "Wrestling Rock-n-Roll." One time in Germay 4 sourkrauts entered the stage butt naked, wanted to fuck me but I have my band in my back so they helped me...my ass was saved...Stuff like that. Jumping off the stage
direct on my back, in one show I broke my back so we had to stop doing the show. We went back to Switzerland, I became a christian and changed my name to Reverend Beat-Man!
Me: Do the injuries signify the end?
LB-M: No. We gonna do some TV shows with Lighting Beat-Man and we also do a full length cinema movie..."Wrestling Rock-n-Roll." Nude babes and tons of TRASH!!!
Me: (The late) Dirty Larry TerBush told me he busted out some pretty bad ass wrestling moves on you.
LB-M: That was pretty clever of Larry...he showed me moves I never saw before. "The Flying Ball Crusher" for example. I was on stage fighting with my micro then I saw a guy doing a Flip Flop and stuff. He jumped on stage, grabbed my arm broken it two times and chopped my head off...that was pretty cool. After that I crawl to my magic guitar, Gringo Starr helped me and started to give me a wild Drum Beat. Now I only could become alive when I stand up to sing but Larry's still breaking my arms and legs. Finally I had my guitar, I yelled "OOOOHHHHHUUUYYYYYY!!!" and out came "I'm Gonna Kill Ya Tonight!" My bones were back and Larry disappeared from stage.
Me: Have any other rockers gave you the thorough ass beating that he did?
LB-M: I also do a ELVIS impersonation called the Wrestling Elvis and with that program I wanted to challenge El-Vez, the Mexican Elvis but he never got back to me. Was scared or so...I don't know. I only wanted to beat him...What's the problem?
No American bands want to challenge me...they are all pussys. Where are the girl tackling teams? California girls or peaches from the south....where are the wet wrestling babes? Anyways....We had a fight against the Coyote Men in their hometown of Newcastle in England. That was a good fight and they are a pretty good band....very good fighters! We beat them of course. We did a Apartment Wrestling tour in Sweden. We fighted through 200 apartments and wow huee, those Swede's know how to beat ass and crush cum.
Me: What's your opinion of American Wresting like the WWF and so on?
LB-M: Fun stuff for the kids
Me: What wrestling inspires you?
LB-M: I like more and more the Japanese fighters...they are pretty wild....you know, those girls in school uniforms and stuff fighting with older men, doing stranges things on the floor, in bed they're fucking and wrasslin' all over the place. The mexicans are good....chicks in long black hair, big boobs and stuff...I like that. Switzerland is the Apartment Wrestling Headquarters of the world. In every flat is a fight...Nasty shit believe me.
Me: What are the rules that Apartment wrestling adheres to?
LB-M: GET NAKED AND FIGHT!
Me: When you are in the Monsters do you find that you have a different drink and drug of choice than when you are being Lightining Beat-Man?
LB-M: The Monsters is everything together but mostly beer and cocktails. The Monsters is girl music. You can shake your butt and afterwards you get fucked up. I don't like snow, speed and all that shit. I love hash and alcohol. Lightining Beat-Man drinks fruit juice...Reverend Beat-Man goes for tea. I like American beer...cheap ass beer. I don't remember the name...anyway together with pizza....THAT'S IT...fucking heaven. I like good red wine, Bordeaux or Spanish Campo Viejo I like a lot...and water. I like water a lot.
Me: What led you to teach the Lord's word?
LB-M: I wake up one morning then I realized that I am the fucking lord. I AM GOD so I had to do what a god has to do. I preach to sheep...I learned in some spiritual moments how to do that and I talked to myself "Reverend Beat-Man...Go out to this world and save it. Beat the shit out of the bad and bring the good back to life! Hail to Rock-n-Roll and found a church. The church of Herpes.
Me: Any words that we should all live by?
LB-M: Reverend Beat-Man is god!
Me: Any advice for the kids?
LB-M: Eat my shit you little fuck!
